I'm gonna have a badass scar
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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