bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
