walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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