Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
