We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
