i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
