My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
