I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
