you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
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i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
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I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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