when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
