I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
