If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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