I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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