I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
