she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
