Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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