I hate all girls vehemently.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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