adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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