Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
