Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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