youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
