he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dicks are not precious.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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