So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
