Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
