Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
