I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
