Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
