oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
