genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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