Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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