I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
