I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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