who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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