i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
