just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
