I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
