you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
