The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
