I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
