when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
