and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
