My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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