They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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