We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
