Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
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There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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