Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
