btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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