i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
