I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Randomize
