you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
