1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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