You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
