all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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