??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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