I hate your face
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Your penis caused this!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
