Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
