i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
