She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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