I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
