We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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