Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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