babies were throwing up all over the place
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
