Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
