Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
