dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
