I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
