Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
