Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
