sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize