I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Sober January is a disaster.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
