I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize