I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
