He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
