i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
