It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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