apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
