Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
