Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
