I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
