my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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