I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
