I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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