Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
