Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
